I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
