Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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