her vagina looked like bernie madoff
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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