I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize