Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
