If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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