im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
