these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
