Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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