I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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