No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
