he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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