Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
