Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so explain again why im purple
no
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
