This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
