im six kinds of drunk right now
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
