a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
