I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
