He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
