paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
