Me too!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
