Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
