Who wears a wallet chain?!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
