I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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