Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
