My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
