I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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