lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
