I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
