He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
