based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
