You can't motorboat a personality
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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