I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
