WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
