I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you would pick up someone in the library
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
