He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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