u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
