We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize