i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
