I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
