yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
