Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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