dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
