GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
