Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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