she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
