yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
