We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
