Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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