You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
