Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
