I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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