just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
