im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think your dad took our porno
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
