my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
