where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize