so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I want to fling myself into the sun
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
