I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
