my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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