I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
