sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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