and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm always down for nudity.
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