I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
