Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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