the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
