I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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