After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
