I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
