he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize