it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
