Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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