Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
