When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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