Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
